I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
