can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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