OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
