You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
