Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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