who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
