dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
