i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
