forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
