I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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