I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
