I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
