mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
