i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Quick, to the slutcave!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
