my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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