I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
