I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
