are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
