Someone shit on the floor
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
