i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
