and next time when you feel me up, do it right
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
be right there i have to get my cape
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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