Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
