Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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