oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize