i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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