are you so shy because you have an std?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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