we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize