I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
