Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
