i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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