dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
