you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
