I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
