Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
