Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize