the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Shame - the story of my life.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
