I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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