my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
