so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
