she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
