Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
