I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
