i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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