Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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