She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
