Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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