I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
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