i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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