It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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