I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
