I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
