Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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