hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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