What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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