that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
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