I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
