2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
