i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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