you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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