i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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