Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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