just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
