He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
