You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
