I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i dont even know how to be here
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
