I'm lost and stupid without you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
