i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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