why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
