3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize