Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
