fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
