That's intense
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
