my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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