don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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