If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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