I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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