My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Brb crying the tears of my youth
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
