So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
