This is not my ceiling
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
